Possibly one of the most difficult journeys one has to take in life is the journey inwards into the SELF. The more truthful and analytical this process is, the more difficult the journey, but the greater the outcome. Being objective is a key factor. The tendency of going towards the extremes of either emphasizing the not-so-good and minimizing the good, or indeed vice-versa, might be an obstacle in correctly identifying the strengths and the weaknesses that need addressing for one to be able to achieve one’s full potential both as a private person and a professional.
With this in mind, I am taking regular self-discovery journeys and I noticed that since I started my training as a coach they’ve become more successful. I realized that, although I was sure of the contrary, I was not having the patience to listen to others until they finished their exposé, I tended to fill-in their ideas and I would definitely have a solution for them before they even finished explaining the full complexity of the situation. This made me sound more like a consultant rather than a coach (I wrote more of the difference between a consultant and a coach in another blog post).
I understand now how bothersome that can become for the person talking, but more importantly I now realize the damaging effect it has on the quality of the discussion, on the comfort of the individual actually to open up, reach inside their true self and to be as objective as possible in their revelation. I learned that “silence is golden”. By actively listening a friendly and open environment is created and one can also “read” beyond the spoken words.
My recognition of the importance of creating a proper environment has also developed. A proper environment is vital for any person to be able to open up and become truthful in order to be able to reach and lift the self-imposed barriers that prevented that person from attaining success regardless of the form success might take. It is also remarkable for me to be able further to discover that we hold within the answers to most problems and that human beings are naturally able to identify solutions that best fit solving their issues.
Undoubtedly one of the most important lessons I have learned since the end of my training as a professional coach is how seeing and memorizing events as they seem best to fit us is possibly, in the long run, more damaging than helpful in achieving our fullest potential in life.
Hiding behind false truths, blaming the fault on others and not taking charge only transfers the responsibility from the Self. I started calling it the “it happened” factor! Hardly anything just happens, either consciously or sub-consciously. We Make It Happen! Blaming others makes life seem easier, “unfair”, but easier. Self-victimizing leads to a life of hardly any responsibility, which may appear to be simpler, when, in fact, it turns out to be quite the opposite and to lead to a lifetime of perpetual “what ifs”.
To exemplify this let me share with you something from my Personal Journey. Until recently, when I found the answer to one of the issues that bothered me most, forgiveness, I was a downright victim of the “it happened” factor!
Throughout a large part of my adult life I was unable to understand the process of forgiveness; whom do you forgive and how does this work? My personal coach guided me to the understanding that I needed to forgive myself for allowing certain events to happen. By not fighting for what I believed to be best for me and by accepting whatever was “imposed” on me, I chose to blame the “decision makers” for everything that went the opposite way to what was supposed to be “my way”. When, in fact, as I discovered during my personal journey, I was the “decision maker”; but I had decided to accept and go along with the decisions made on my behalf.
On a deep and personal level coaching has helped me to become happy with the way my life has turned out so far, that is certain. Having this revelation on forgiveness is a great personal achievement, since I probably lifted one of the heaviest barriers I set for myself: my personal weakness of not being able to say a resounding “no” in important matters and being later tormented by the fact that I said “yes” instead!
At first, taking charge proved to be much more difficult than I’d like to admit! Standing up for myself and being strong in the decisions I made implied taking responsibility for my actions, but I am definitely a much happier person since I learned that forgiving myself was my answer.
Now ask yourself what’s holding you back from having the courage to let go of the past? In my experience unresolved issues hold us back and prevent us from rightly benefiting from what is out there in the present: that golden ticket!
My advice: let go of your past, become aware of the present and you will congratulate yourself in the future!